Parents under pressure

Parents in the 21st century are under unprecedented pressure!

Parents are under pressure and experiencing parental burnout 8 times more frequently today than 40 years ago. Can you believe it? Not really. While it’s true that our grandparents had larger families, experienced war and many other difficulties, their relationship to parenthood was very different from today.

In those days, parenting meant keeping your child healthy, educating them and preparing them for life (and, for believers, preventing them from committing mortal sin).

Even if mothers were stay-at-home moms, yesterday’s parents spent qualitatively less time with their children. Children spent a lot of time outdoors, and could be left unsupervised for hours on end with no one objecting! This was normal, and children learned about life and its dangers, the youngest under the eye of the eldest.

Parents today are different…

Today, things are very different, so much so that sociologist Nelson says that by today’s standards, the overwhelming majority of parents 50 years ago would be described as negligent today! And yet, children then developed no worse than they do today!

But attitudes have changed. Thanks to a number of historical and sociological upheavals that we won’t go into here, today’s parents are focused on preventing the least risk and optimizing development. We have entered the era of intensive parenting: child-centered parenting that consumes time and energy. This kind of parenting* puts new pressure on parents… and their children!

Parents are invited to follow the recommendations of the state and experts, and these recommendations concern new facets of development every day: feeding, sleeping, toys, activities, how to correct “problem” behavior, what emotions to show or not to show your children… every aspect of parenting is commented on. More and more aspects of parenting are governed by conventions1, expert committees2 and laws3. At the same time, parenting has never been so much the subject of poster campaigns (no screens before age 3, no video games before age 6, etc.). Whereas parents used to be the masters of their own home, they no longer are…

The result of parents under pressure?

Of course, there have been some positive developments.But there are also many negative consequences for both parents and children (see our article “The Cult of the Child”). These include increased stress and parental burnout. More and more parents are feeling under pressure.

And many parents feel lost… And for good reason, recommendations change over time: science recommended putting babies to sleep on their stomachs… then on their backs… then on their sides. Experts have recommended being very strict… then recommending being above all benevolent. There’s no shortage of examples of contradictions in almost every area of development! And these contradictions, linked to the evolution of scientific knowledge (but not only), fuel conflicts between generations.

Overwhelmed by prescriptions and recommendations, parents no longer know which way to turn. Under constant pressure, they can become exhausted and lose confidence in themselves…

Back to the parents of yesteryear?

Should we “go back to the old days”? Certainly not! But would it be wise to think about a “middle way” and, without doubt, the return of the “good enough parent”? We think so…

*Before the 1960s, the term “parenthood” didn’t even exist!